My Story

I don't want to tell my story anymore because I'm sick of being silenced. I'm sick of being told how I should feel, what I should do, or how someone else feels about their story. Had my son died, no one would say this nonsensical crap to me and that's exactly what it is...crap. I'm sick of getting blamed for being victimized. It's the same reason I never went to the police when I was raped, because I felt I would be blamed. I know it's not my fault, but you know, people can only take so much. I'm stuck in a constant cycle of anger. I want other women to understand the real truths of newborn adoption and at the same time I can't handle the abuse that is dished out by people that for whatever reason don't want to accept reality. On top of that, I think how my poor sweet son is being used and emotional manipulated to please that wants of an extremely ignorant and emotionally immature woman. She's the worst possible woman to be raising my child and there's nothing I can do about it. As a mother, this is the most horrible circumstance to live through. I literally have to watch as my child is destructed and can do nothing to protect or help him. It's near impossible to hold myself together at times. The anger I feel at being so totally helpless is unlike anything and there aren't words to describe it. Realizing now how I was lied to and taken advantage of is so hurtful that it has made it almost impossible for me to beleive in God anymore. The knowledge that there are people so calculating and hateful that they purposely knowingly take advantage of the emotional state of pregnant women in crisis as a living...that knowledge now tears me apart everyday. The fact that people cannot see this and no matter how I tell my story, they just shove it aside and pull out the standard adoption agency commercial and ignore facts I'm representing them with is just astounding. Then you have the adoptive parents who speak for the real parents of the children they're raising. As though it is their story to tell and they know exactly what these mothers and fathers are thinking and how they feel, so much so, that they speak for them?? It's infuriating! It seems to reaffirm for me that newborn adoptors are so blinded by what they want that they fail to have any sort of empathy. They think they are being empathetic because they are fed all kinds of garbage by so called adoption professionals but they're not. I'm just to the point where if you've adopted an infant I pretty much just think you're a disgusting selfish greedy person and I have no respect for you. None. What's even more frustrating is that when I express these feelings I'm simply told that I need therapy or I'm bitter, or I'm depressed. What they don't know is that I've been through tons of therapy, and I'm always on medication. That's not the issue, the issue is that what was done to my son and I was wrong. What continues to be done to us everyday is wrong. It's wrong, and I deserve justice, my son deserves Justice, ad y family deserves Justice. The millions that have and will be lied to, manipulated, and used deserve justice. It's all I want, yet I feel no hope that it will ever Coe to fruition.